Isolde

The paradigm of “women trade sex to men for affection / favors / security / etc.” is an extremely dangerous one. Because it posits that women never really want sex, it makes the bright line of “no, this time I really don’t want it” fuzzy, as if this were merely a breakdown in the bargaining process. It makes women seem unreasonable or even greedy for refusing sex when they’ve been properly “compensated” (see also: PUA culture) and makes men feel that sex with a woman who doesn’t want sex isn’t fundamentally abnormal. And this is why being extremely public about being an extremely horny woman is fighting rape.

Less frivolously (not that I think that’s frivolous, actually) we need to get rid of the idea of sex as a tradeable commodity. Thinking about sex in terms of commerce leads to thinking about what you’re “owed,” and rape as a remedy for getting a bad deal. Better to think of it as an activity, a partner sport; nobody owes you the chance to be their tennis partner, almost nobody plays tennis for some secret ulterior reason besides enjoying tennis, and nobody really wants to play tennis with a partner who doesn’t have their heart in it.